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Aug. 18th, 2013 11:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Clementine tried not to talk about it.
She knew Andrea worried about her a whole lot. She knew she was trying her best to make it better. But there was really no making it better. Most nights pieces of what she remembered became clearer and more whole through nightmares. To stay away from the nightmares, she tried not to sleep much. She was tired most of the day because of it, but at least she didn't wake up sweat drenched and shaking. She kept hoping it would get better, but honestly it just kept getting worse.
There were a lot of bad things to remember. What happened back home, the bad man who did things to Andrea, the place they were all sent to -
All she wanted to do anymore way stay inside unless she had to leave. Sure, she tried to do normal things - tried her best to keep going. She took Bailey out for walks. She visited places close to the apartment. She did her best to get ready for the new school year, which she honestly was dreading a whole lot already in a way she never felt before.
It was a warm, muggy late afternoon that found her sitting on the stairs again, slid all the way to one edge so she didn't get in the way. Bailey, off her leash and sitting at the bottom step, seemed to stand guard. She brought her book of pictures and her crayons down with her, intent on finishing the drawing she started that morning after she was woken up again by a nightmare.
She couldn't find the words to talk about it, but she could draw it. She could draw a picture of her sad and crying with people on the ground with 'X's over their eyes. Next to her stood Lee, who she worried now about more than ever before, frowning too, the gun Andrea now had in his hand. She could draw pictures of what she'd seen when they went to somewhere not home and not Darrow too, all the destruction and the giant machine in the sky.
It was the first one was what she was working on at that moment. She stared at the unfinished drawing for a long moment before quietly taking a crayon and starting to slowly color it in, careful never to wander out of the lines. It was as if part of her thought if she could make a good enough picture, she could make that particular dream go away for good.
She knew it wouldn't happen that way, but it didn't stop her from trying.
She knew Andrea worried about her a whole lot. She knew she was trying her best to make it better. But there was really no making it better. Most nights pieces of what she remembered became clearer and more whole through nightmares. To stay away from the nightmares, she tried not to sleep much. She was tired most of the day because of it, but at least she didn't wake up sweat drenched and shaking. She kept hoping it would get better, but honestly it just kept getting worse.
There were a lot of bad things to remember. What happened back home, the bad man who did things to Andrea, the place they were all sent to -
All she wanted to do anymore way stay inside unless she had to leave. Sure, she tried to do normal things - tried her best to keep going. She took Bailey out for walks. She visited places close to the apartment. She did her best to get ready for the new school year, which she honestly was dreading a whole lot already in a way she never felt before.
It was a warm, muggy late afternoon that found her sitting on the stairs again, slid all the way to one edge so she didn't get in the way. Bailey, off her leash and sitting at the bottom step, seemed to stand guard. She brought her book of pictures and her crayons down with her, intent on finishing the drawing she started that morning after she was woken up again by a nightmare.
She couldn't find the words to talk about it, but she could draw it. She could draw a picture of her sad and crying with people on the ground with 'X's over their eyes. Next to her stood Lee, who she worried now about more than ever before, frowning too, the gun Andrea now had in his hand. She could draw pictures of what she'd seen when they went to somewhere not home and not Darrow too, all the destruction and the giant machine in the sky.
It was the first one was what she was working on at that moment. She stared at the unfinished drawing for a long moment before quietly taking a crayon and starting to slowly color it in, careful never to wander out of the lines. It was as if part of her thought if she could make a good enough picture, she could make that particular dream go away for good.
She knew it wouldn't happen that way, but it didn't stop her from trying.
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Date: 2013-08-31 04:44 pm (UTC)It's a good thing he's been clean for a day or two when he comes across Clementien on the stairs outside of her building, because he knows it'd be kind of shitty of him to just walk by without at least saying hi. Not when he heard about how they got sent somewhere and only just got back recently.
"Hey," Jesse says, his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he approaches, "Drawing day, huh?"
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Date: 2013-08-31 05:39 pm (UTC)She was surprised at the voice that greeted her while she was trying to figure out what to draw around her. It probably showed on her face when she looked up, even though she tried real hard to hide it.
"O-oh. Uh-huh," she replied. With how little she saw of him now, she had started to assume she'd done something bad and he didn't want to talk to her anymore. Now that he was, she wasn't sure how to react - she didn't want him to stop talking to her again, but she also didn't know what she'd done in the first place. "I - I don't know what to draw, though."
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Date: 2013-08-31 06:12 pm (UTC)Maybe he'd know what's up if he'd actually been around lately.
"Bailey, maybe?" Jesse suggests, and he looks down at what she's got so far, just the one person.
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Date: 2013-08-31 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-09-07 10:11 pm (UTC)"Look, I'm-- I know I haven't exactly been around a whole lot lately," he says.
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Date: 2013-09-09 07:32 pm (UTC)"I know. I did something wrong, right?" she asked, softly. She couldn't look up at him while she said it. "If you tell me what I did, I can say I'm sorry. But if you don't want to be friends anymore I'd understand."
It would make her really sad, but she didn't want to bother him. Maybe it was like her old friend's older sibling back home, where he didn't want them to be around. She just didn't know anymore.
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Date: 2013-09-13 04:52 am (UTC)"You didn't do anything wrong," he says, "and I'm not mad at you."
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Date: 2013-09-15 12:09 am (UTC)"Then you just don't like me anymore?" she asked, trying not to sound hurt.
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Date: 2013-09-15 01:50 am (UTC)"Not possible, yo," Jesse says, and he takes a seat next to her on the step, "I've just... I've just been a really bad friend. I should've come by or something."
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Date: 2013-09-16 02:40 am (UTC)"I tried lots of times to talk and you weren't ever around. I thought you were my friend, but friends don't go away when lots of bad things happen. Not for no reason," she said softly, sounding hurt more than anything else. But she was angry, too, and she didn't like being angry. She felt tears prick at the edges of her eyes, and she wiped them with her sleeve. "If you're just going to go away again, I don't want to be your friend anymore."
She couldn't handle people leaving her anymore. Almost losing Andrea, remembering suddenly the friends tht died - it was too much. This was too much. She thought Jesse liked her, but if he really just decided not to talk to her for no reason, it was hard to believe him when he said he liked her at all. She might've been young, but she knew enough that people who cared about each other didn't do that. She was sure of it.
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Date: 2013-09-22 03:48 pm (UTC)"I was having a bad time of it too," Jesse tells her, though he knows it's not the same and that it's bullshit for him to pretend that it is. He sighs.
"Have you ever done something wrong and were embarrassed for anyone to find out about it?"
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Date: 2013-09-23 09:09 pm (UTC)"I didn't know. Are you okay?" she said, immediately concerned. She didn't care if he made her sad, if he was going through bad things, that was a reason to st "I've done bad things too but staying away didn't make it any better."
She'd been staying away a whole lot - not physically, but emotionally - and it only made it worse. She knew that, as much as she didn't know how to make it better.
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Date: 2013-10-01 03:27 am (UTC)"It's mostly cool now," Jesse says, though he knows that's not really true. He doesn't know where this goes next, but at least he knows he's not about to smoke a bad batch of someone's shitty cook, someone who doesn't even give a crap if people die.
"Either way, I shouldn't have just, like... disappeared. I'm sorry."